Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I finally decided on a title for my new book: The Complete Idiots Guide to Scootering for the Elderly. This was decided yesterday when I tried to compete with a 10 year old on a scooter. Aka Razor. Not being one that turns down a challenge, first mistake, I took a couple practice runs and continued to increase my velocity with each trial. 2nd, 3rd, and 4th mistakes. With my confidence running high, I blasted out of the garage at a speed not even recommended for 40 year olds. 5th mistake. At the bottom of the driveway was a 90 degree turn that had to done to perfection to maintain ones momentum. 6th mistake. With the small wheelbase of the ‘death trap’ aka Razor, and the huge chasm called a sidewalk crack, I was doomed. My competition and the only eye witness, who is now in a witness protection program lest she divulge the complete stupidity of my maneuver, was amazed that 200 pounds of mass when in motion continues to stay in motion until it hits the cement. Hey, I was teaching her some elementary physics. (oh look a chicken) Damage control reported one severely scraped knee cap, two battered adjoining toes, and a pair of bruised palms. When the medic arrived, Lisa, I was treated with Neosporin and an Incredible band aid. Her nearly uncontrollable laughter hurt more than the injuries. I have just sent a warning article to AARP and my contemporaries with hopes that those with Alzheimer’s don’t even think about doing what I did.